Easy Silence
by feed-the-birdss
Summary: Sometimes it's okay to have nothing left to say to one another. With the right person, silence can be easy. Based on the song "Easy Silence" by the Dixie Chicks.
1. Lily

**Author's Note: This story is based on the song "Easy Silence" by the amazing Dixie Chicks. I highly recommend you listen to it before reading :)**

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine.**

She didn't want to think. She didn't want to breathe. Her heart had felt like it had stopped beating. Remus. How could Sirius think that sweet Remus was the spy?

"Sirius, how could you!? It's not event thinkable," she pleaded as she followed him into the living room of her James' London flat.

"I find it just as hard to believe as you do Lils, but I can't and won't ignore the facts. We almost died today, and Remus has been acting shady about this mission all week," he reasoned as grabbed the bottle of dittany off their coffee table left there from last night's injuries.

"Yeah, because it was dangerous you idiot! Not because he's the bloody spy!" she screamed.

"Whatever, we'll talk to Dumbledore about it later to see what he thinks, but you're bleeding. Here, let me—"

"No," she interrupted. "I don't want to do this right now. I can't think. I can't—" she started hyperventilating.

"Lils? Breathe love," Sirius cautioned as he carefully helped her sit on the couch. She then put her head in hands and started to slowly breathe. Sirius rubbed her back soothingly as it rose and fell with each breath she took.

"Just leave Padfoot. I'm fine. I don't want to be around anyone right now," she croaked.

Sirius knew these last few weeks had been especially hard for Lily. She had been really sick with some sort of stomach bug last week. Her sister had announced her pregnancy, and when Lily congratulated her, Petunia told her she didn't want Lily to have anything to do with the baby. Worst of all, James has been off on a mission for Dumbledore for the last few days, and they don't know when he'll back yet.

"Okay Lils, but please, send a patronus to me or Pete if you need anything, promise me," he begged as he bent down to try and make eye contact with her through the curtain of red hair covering her face.

Lily only nodded in response for fear that if she spoke, she would scream at him for leaving Remus out of that sentence. She then felt his lips place a gentle kiss on the back of her head before he started towards the door.

As soon as she heard the door close, she let the sobs she had been holding in break. She didn't even know what exactly she was crying for at this point. Her mind was too full to comprehend her thoughts any longer—so she just cried.

* * *

At an order meeting a few days later, Lily just sat quietly as everyone screamed at each other.

"That's idiotic Fenwick. Why the fuck would they target the McKinnons next? We all know that the Bones' are their biggest threat. They're the ones that need the extra protection!" screeched Dorcas.

"Hey now! Usually I would agree, but Marlene is away with James on that mission. So her family is more vulnerable, and you can bet your arse at least deatheater or two knows that!" bellowed Gideon.

Lily's head was pounding at this point. She could see Alice across the room appearing to ignore all the arguing too. Her eyes were glued to a random spot on the table as she was leaned back against the back of her chair with her hands caressing her stomach.

"Enough."

Everyone's heads, including Alice and Lily's, turned toward the headmaster.

"I do not care for this shouting right now, and I need to go back to Hogwarts in ten minutes. So Alastor, would you mind adding in your input?"

Moody's gave a gruff nod toward Dumbledore and then stated, "all right, we don't have the answers we need right now—"

"Like answers would be any bloody help right now. Answers only end up making more questions at this point," Sirius interrupted.

"Lose the attitude Black. Anyway, as I was saying, we don't have any answers as to which family the deatheaters are planning to execute this week, but thanks to James and Marlene's quick work on their mission, they should be back within the next day. So both families need only be protected for tonight. Then once Marlene's back, we'll only need to worry about the Bones'…for now," assured Moody.

Lily's heart soared at those words. James was coming home soon. She made eye contact with Sirius who was across the room from her to share a small smile with him. She didn't know what to believe or which families the deatheaters wanted to crucify, but she could believe in James coming back home to her. So she just needed to hold on to that for now.

* * *

It had been three nights, and James and Marlene still weren't back yet. However, for the first time in a week, James' safety was not the only thing paralyzing Lily's mind at this moment. She was sitting on the bathroom floor cross-legged staring at a plus sign on a stick she just peed on.

_A baby?_ She panicked. _We can't have a baby right now!_

She needed to talk to someone, but she refused to let anyone know before James. So she got up from the bathroom floor and started to pace the wand in her hand shooting sparks every now and then that she didn't notice. She paced throughout the entire flat engaging in an inner monologue with herself.

She'd reasoned that she and James wanted this, and even though it was soon, they knew a child would be in their arms eventually. But the war. She and James had to grow up during a war, and she did not want her baby to lose their youth sooner than it should've like it happened with them. She was hoping to do this at a time when she could raise her child freely and happily.

The best part of this though also happened to be the worst part—having this baby meant that not only now did she have James to lose, but a child too, _her child. _

All she could stand to do right now was continue pacing. So pace she did.

* * *

James was exhausted as he dragged his feet towards the door of his and Lily's flat.

He and Marlene had just left Hogwarts after briefing Dumbledore on how their mission went, and now all he wanted to do was snuggle up next to his wife in bed, and sleep for the rest of the year.

After opening the door, the first thing he saw was Lily sprawled across the sofa fast asleep. If there was anything that could have put a smile on his face after one of the worst and most gruesome weeks of his life, it was this image of Lily.

He shucked off his dirty jacket and shoes and padded his way over to her. He knelt down beside her, to place a careful kiss on her lips so as to not wake her, and when her nose crinkled a little in her sleep in response to his kiss, he let out a soft chuckle.

That's when he put his wand on the ground beside him, gently placed one arm beneath her knees and the other beneath her shoulder blades, slowly lifted her up, walked her to their room to delicately placed her on their bed underneath the covers. He then tossed his shirt on the floor to get in the bed with her, spooning her from behind. He took a moment to savor the feeling of having his wife back in his arms after a week of being away from her. He buried his face in the back of her neck, breathing in her scent and placed his arm over her waist to come to a rest on her stomach. Then, he was out like a light.

* * *

Lily woke up to the rhythm of familiar a heartbeat beneath her cheek and the warm homey scent of her husband filling her nose.

"James?" she asked not quite believing her senses.

James, who was still asleep, began to stir, "Mmmm Lils," he mumbled.

Lily's eyes opened to the sight of the warm colored skin that was James's chest. She then slowly turned her head to look up at the face she had been longing to see this past week and let out the biggest grin when she saw him smiling sleepily back at her.

"Hey love," he beamed behind his glasses that he forgot to take off again.

"Hi," she grinned as she proceeded to get up more so she could lie herself on top of him between his legs.

"How are you?" he asked lifting his head up to kiss her.

"Good now that you're here," she breathed between kisses, "what about you?" she asked kissing him once more.

"Same," he grinned back, brushing her hair from her face to get a better look at her. "You look tired though," he frowned.

"Yeah, but I'm okay," she claimed as she rested her head against his chest again, and he began to run his fingers through her hair. Lily knew that James knows something is up, but she also knew that he knows it's okay for her to not have anything left to say right now in this peaceful quiet.

Lily would tell James the news later that night, but right now, she just wanted to bask in this easy silence James always seems to make for her. The rest of the world can remain at bay for the time being.

**Please review!**


	2. James

September 1, 1980

The sound of crashing thunder woke James Potter up from his fitful sleep on the couch. He sat up quickly, wand, which he now always slept with, out. When he discovered it was the thunder that woke him, he lowered his arm and proceed to rub the sleep from his eyes. With a sigh, his hand instinctively went to comb through his mess of hair, as his eyes looked down toward his other hand to glance at the time on his watch: 3 am. _Huh._ He thought. This was usually around the time when Harry woke up, and with the thunderstorm wreaking havoc outside, James was concerned that his son's crying was not the sound to wake him up.

He quickly stood up, and proceeded to walk upstairs to Harry's nursery all the while remembering the argument he had with his wife last night. He sighed again, too tired to dwell on it further. Once he reached Harry's door, he carefully turned the knob, and walked in the room to be greeted with the image of his wife seated in the rocking chair next to the crib with their son nestled against her naked breast as the sounds of his suckling permeated the room. He also noticed that Harry's sucking were the only noises to be heard. He realized Lily must've put a charm on the room to make sure Harry wouldn't be woken up by the storm.

Lily looked up at him as he entered the room. Usually, this would be the moment that she would lovingly smile at him, but the emotional traces of their fight were evident on her face similar to how he was sure they showed up on his. Her eyes held the tell-tale sign of tears that were shed not too long ago and exhaustion. Last time he saw her, she had stormed away from him in tears and had slammed their bedroom door shut with a clear unsaid message—sleep on the couch. Lily's red-rimmed eyes just looked up at him tiredly, and then returned her gaze to their son with whom she was physically incapable of looking at with anything but pure unadulterated love. While James was still upset with his wife, he found the leftover anger from last night dissipate at the sight of Lily's love for their son. There was no better mother out there. James, understanding that he had to make the first move here, extended an olive branch, "I can rock him back to sleep once he's done," he whispered to her across the room.

Lily's tired eyes glanced up at him, her head gave a single nod of agreement, and the slightest of smiles that had started to mend the broken pieces of James' heart from last night's fight. He returned her small smile with one of his own.

James then leaned against the door and continued to watch mother and son at work. After a few more minutes of Harry's desperate suckling, he separated from his mother with a pop. James took this as his cue to grab one of Harry's many stag-patterned blankets, drape it over his shoulder and carefully take the baby into his own arms, lay his little head over his blanket covered shoulder and gently rub his back as he slowly walked around the room. Still seated in the rocking chair, James could hear Lily sorting out her pajamas to cover herself back up. The creaking sound signalled to him that she had stood up, and so he glanced up at her to see her walking towards them as she secured her dressing gown around her waist. Approaching them, she lovingly put her hand to the tufts of black hair that stuck up in every direction from Harry's small head and placed a gentle kiss to his little nose. Her green eyes then pierced James', "meet me back in our bedroom when he's down, okay?"

He nodded, his heart continuing to mend at their progress, and because he couldn't help it with her green eyes looking up at him, he leaned in and touched his lips gently to hers and whispered, "I love you."

Their foreheads still connected, eyes still closed, and their young son nestled between them, Lily whispered back, "I love you too." After giving her son one more peck, and James another small smile, she headed off toward their bedroom beside Harry's.

James carried on with patting his son lightly on the back as he slowly walked around the room, once he heard the healthy belching sound he'd been waiting for, he gently shifted Harry so that his head was no longer resting against his shoulder, but nestled against the crook of James' arm, his favorite position to fall asleep.

After a few minutes of slowly pacing around the nursery, Harry had drifted off with his tiny hands grasped around James' ring finger on his left hand. The finger where his wedding band sat. For some reason Harry had a particular affinity to this finger on both James and Lily. Lily claimed it was because he liked shiny things, which was true. Harry had a particular gift of staring at and reaching out for shiny things no matter the distance. This only brought further confirmation to James' suspicion, and secret hope, that he was raising a seeker. However, he liked to think that Harry loving their ring fingers was proof that Harry knew his parents not only loved him, but each other as well.

Carefully lifting the baby closer to his lips, so that like Lily before him, he could kiss his hairy head that looked so much like his own. He then softly placed him in his crib, gave his soft head one more stroke because he couldn't help it, and quietly turned to leave the nursery.

Once he was out of the room, the sounds of the thunderstorm outside assaulted his ears with full force. Lily's charm was clearly working, well, like a charm. He then walked over to his and Lily's bedroom door, placed his hand on the knob, took a deep breath, and prepared himself to walk into a room where he had no idea what sort of weather would be waiting for him.

As he carefully opened the door, he was greeted with the sight of Lily lying on her back on the bed, with her head facing the window, and her eyes wide open following the lightning in the distance. Much like Harry's room, this one was silent as well. Other than the view from their window, it was if the storm wasn't currently happening.

James walked across the room to his side of the bed, set his glasses down on his night stand, and slid under the covers facing Lily. Lily's eyes left the window to look at him. Without his glasses, James couldn't see much, but that shade of green was bright enough for even the blindest of men to be able to see clearly enough.

They just laid there for a while in silence, eyes open and on each other. Their fight, still unresolved, was on both of their minds, but neither had the energy to continue it at the moment, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable despite that. His silences with Lily were always easy—even back at Hogwarts when she hated him in their earlier years. They could be in the common room or library together alone for hours, sitting silence, just being in each other's presence. Neither of them ever felt the need to break it. Their silences were peaceful. Besides, those few hours sleeping alone on the couch made James realized just how dependent he was on Lily to not only sleep peacefully, but also to feel safe whilst sleeping. She and Harry were the most important things in his world, and waking up to the sound of a baby's cry and to the sight of fiery red hair immediately reassured him that all was well with his world. There was no better way to start the day.

"James?" Lily breathed so quietly that James almost didn't hear her.

"Yeah?" James breathed back just as quietly.

"You know how people say that married couples should never go to bed angry?"

James heart-rate started racing. He really didn't want to continue their fight just yet; he just wanted to continue lying here with her in the quiet, soaking up each other's presence. "Yeah."

"Well that's shit advice." James chuckled lightly, "I mean, who the fuck can resolve an argument right before bed. It's too exhausting."

"I agree," replied James still chuckling lightly.

Lily smiled back, "So tomorrow? After a nap maybe?"

James just nodded and scooted closer to her so her could gently caress her cheek and lightly kiss her, "I love you, Lily."

"I love you too."

It took a while for either of them to fall asleep. Not because they were worried about continuing their fight tomorrow, but because both were caught up in the easy silence of just being with each other.

The world has been cruel to them lately, and that cruelty has made their marriage harder than it needed to be. Nonetheless, they're love for each other still knows no bounds and because of that, even when that cruelty tries to turn them against each other, they still hold on to one another. The world may be trying to make it hard for them to continue to hold on, but for them, it's still the easiest thing to do. They have the ability to drown out the world to each other so that the only thing each of them feels and knows is the love they have for on another and they're son. When they're together, it's easy, peaceful and quiet. The world is at bay.


End file.
